Regarding that "personal" aspect of my journey in 2016. I struggle with several things. One of them being a bit of a feeling of unworthiness. I have been blessed with a new job, new hope, a financial advisor that I trust, friends that truly have my back (who are brave enough to speak up when they see me about to do something stupid), a family that is so loving it is not funny. I have roof over my head, food on my table, and a cat that actually likes me.
Trouble is I do not feel as if I deserve it. I know that all blessings come from God. I know that I can never truly earn what I have been blessed with. But I actually feel unworthy some days. I feel as if I can not do enough to deserve such wonderful people in my life. Scares me to think that, much less say it. I find it easy to try to self sabotage things, up to and including my new job. Not physically, but more mentally. It seems that negative thoughts easily creep into my mind. For example, I made a mistake at work my first week that was actually easily fixed. But by the time I got home on Friday afternoon, I had convinced myself that I was going to loose my job. Somehow this one mistake was going to be what defined my entire 90 day probationary period. Or it is as simple as letting everything get to me.
The problem is that I really do like my job, and truly believe that I can grow in this position. There is so much to learn there. Now having said this, that little voice in my head starts to talk sometimes. It wants to tell me that all I ever do is data entry and wash glassware and that I am wasting myself at yet another dead end job. I believe that this stems from my belief that I am somehow completely unworthy and undeserving. So somehow I have to learn to fight this voice.
I did manage to shut it up by combating it with the truth last time it reared its ugly head. The truth is that I am starting out. I have only been there a month, and am learning the lab from the ground up. There is no such thing as grunt work in that lab. If the samples are not properly entered, the client gets the wrong info and is charged for testing they did not request. If the glassware is not thoroughly cleaned and dried, the HPLC solutions will be contaminated. If the hazardous waste is not properly bagged, it could explode in the autoclave and at the very least cause the lady running it to have to clean up a very hot mess.
I find that choosing to be grateful helps. Also being careful what goes into my head and heart helps. But i still struggle everyday.
Am I alone in this?
What do you do to combat those negative self messages?
What do you struggle with daily?
Trouble is I do not feel as if I deserve it. I know that all blessings come from God. I know that I can never truly earn what I have been blessed with. But I actually feel unworthy some days. I feel as if I can not do enough to deserve such wonderful people in my life. Scares me to think that, much less say it. I find it easy to try to self sabotage things, up to and including my new job. Not physically, but more mentally. It seems that negative thoughts easily creep into my mind. For example, I made a mistake at work my first week that was actually easily fixed. But by the time I got home on Friday afternoon, I had convinced myself that I was going to loose my job. Somehow this one mistake was going to be what defined my entire 90 day probationary period. Or it is as simple as letting everything get to me.
The problem is that I really do like my job, and truly believe that I can grow in this position. There is so much to learn there. Now having said this, that little voice in my head starts to talk sometimes. It wants to tell me that all I ever do is data entry and wash glassware and that I am wasting myself at yet another dead end job. I believe that this stems from my belief that I am somehow completely unworthy and undeserving. So somehow I have to learn to fight this voice.
I did manage to shut it up by combating it with the truth last time it reared its ugly head. The truth is that I am starting out. I have only been there a month, and am learning the lab from the ground up. There is no such thing as grunt work in that lab. If the samples are not properly entered, the client gets the wrong info and is charged for testing they did not request. If the glassware is not thoroughly cleaned and dried, the HPLC solutions will be contaminated. If the hazardous waste is not properly bagged, it could explode in the autoclave and at the very least cause the lady running it to have to clean up a very hot mess.
I find that choosing to be grateful helps. Also being careful what goes into my head and heart helps. But i still struggle everyday.
Am I alone in this?
What do you do to combat those negative self messages?
What do you struggle with daily?